Quitting is generally viewed as a negative in our culture. It means giving up something typically important with nothing to fill the void.
As of about noon today the guy is quitting smoking. So far he’s never been a quitter. As near as I can tell he’s been smoking for about a hundred years. Yay, for sticking to it. Um, where’s that sarcasm font?
I am overjoyed. Yes he was a smoker when I moved in. No I have not nagged at him to quit. In fact this all started of his own volition. He ordered the CigArrest program. He chose which day to start quitting. It did happen to be the day that all of his smokes were gone and he had used up all the tobacco. I can’t blame him for that. I take the same approach to quitting chocolate. Once all the stuff is gone, I will not buy any more. Until the next time.
“The next time” is why I’m sharing this. Like I said I am excited about the prospect of living in a smoke free home. What I need are some ideas on how to support him through this. Except for some occasional cigarettes that I have bummed off of people when I have been extremely drunk, I don’t smoke. In fact it’s been a few years since I’ve been drunk enough to smoke. Somehow smoking while drunk guarantees two things for me, I will puke at some point during the night and have a killer hangover the next day. It never seems to make me as cool as my drunk-self believes it will. Particularly when offering prayers to the porcelain god.
Back to the problem at hand, I’ve never had to quit smoking. As I understand it mood swings, grumpiness and grouchiness are to be expected. How bad does it get? I mean will I have to figure out how to operate the backhoe to take care of, uh, things? Or should I just plan a long drive up in the mountains, near abandoned mine shafts and call it good? Or is he more likely to kill me?
I have considered a reward program of sorts. If he gets through this I will paint the interior of the house. Ok, I know that’s my attempt to get rid of the smoke odor. Although the walls could use a fresh coat of paint. Plus the walls really need color, they are just a blah white now. I think I’m more excited about the idea than he is. However, I would not really be considering the paint idea if he wasn’t going at the no-smoking thing.
When his no-smoking started today I went through the house and cleaned up his smoking places. Including hiding the ash-trays and lighters. Any other ideas?
The CigArrest site says that it takes seven days on their program to quit smoking. Guaranteed. His official verdict is that the gum “is some nasty tasting shit.” Hopefully it works, nasty tasting or not.
I am trying to not walk around doing that happy dance that I don’t have to be super careful about when I take my massage linens out of the dryer so they don’t smell like smoke. I know that the grin I keep wiping off my face doesn’t help either. For those out there that have quit smoking or have helped others get through it, what helps?
Wishing him all the luck in the world. I smoked for 30 years and quit 3 years ago. Now I’m paying for it with COPD which is not pleasant and frustrating at times.
Congrats to you for quitting. Too bad about the COPD. Not having enough air is always a bummer.
I will pass along your encouragement once I get him to understand that bloggers and blogging aren’t new swear words.
Giving up the smoke. It’s the hardest and the best thing I’ve ever done!
Good for you for giving it up! I’m just hoping he can stick to it.
Woo Hoo ! Tell him congrats. You know I quit 3 years ago cold turkey and was smoking since roughly I was 16 ? Maybe earlier not sure. I tried taking Zyban, didn’t work. Tried the patch and gum (yes the gum is nasty). I kinda just woke up one day with a real nasty hangover and didn’t want to smoke that day. Then that day turned into the next, and so on. Tips, just focus on not smoking for the day. Distract yourself with anything that gives you pleasure, except alcohol. Yes, I have had the occasional smoke since the official quit but 100% of those times alcohol was involved. The important thing is the cravings do pass. Even if you don’t think you are going to make it, just tell yourself ok, I won’t smoke for the next hour and when the hour is up, re-evaluate the situation. My advice for you Liz, be a very kinda and gentle soul at this time. The detox from nicotine is nasty, headaches, major irritability, even aches sometimes. I relate it to PMS x1000. Again, it does pass. It is great that he has encouragement as well. When I quit, my husband continued to smoke, and still to this day smokes. Again, congrats !
PMS x1000, huh? At least he’s got something to look forward to! Not. Wait until I tell him that!
Thanks for the advice though. Yes, I will be nice. I might even be kind to him. Unless he’s unkind to me, then I might just have to go be somewhere else for a while. It would probably help if my dog would quit bothering him.
yes may be way safer for Bruce
My solution to pretty much everything is just stay the hell out of the way and shut up. Naturally, you know your man and what he’s like, but my guy doesn’t go for a lot of coddling and checking-in. If he needs or wants help with something he’ll ask, and if he’s not asking then I can rest assured he’s doing OK.
Second, I don’t believe in rewards. He’s a grown man and he should be quitting for himself, not to make you happy. Anyone I’ve ever known (including myself) who tried to quit something for someone else eventually went back to it. Quitting has to be a selfish act. You have to care enough about your future not to want to cut your life expectancy short. It’s really pretty simple, but lots of people have trouble really giving enough of a crap about themselves to see their bad habits as personal roadblocks.
I was a casual smoker for about 10 years, but it wasn’t my drug of choice and I was never really addicted to nicotine the way many smokers are. I quit cold turkey when my dogs all took off one day and I made a pact with God about getting them back safe and sound. The dogs showed up about five hours later and I’ve been smoke free ever since. I wasn’t the religious sort at the time, but I figured a promise to God wasn’t something I should take lightly. Besides, I can’t do anything halfway: I’m an “all or nothing” kinda gal.
And on another note, my vet quit smoking back in the early 90′s. He’s been chewing Nicorette gum several times a day ever since. Yeah, that’s addiction … you can get used to just about anything as long as it gives your brain what it craves. But on the up side, at least he’s not frying his lungs.
The Nicorette gum would certainly be a step in the right direction.
The reward idea was more for me, in case I had thoughts of killing him if he turned into a total A-Hole. Again, not sure how much of a ‘reward’ painting the house is going to be though. He knows nothing about it as a ‘reward’, just brought home paint swatches one day and he gave some feedback.
So far so good, on the no smoking thing for him. At least it appears that way. He’s been a little grouchier than normal, but it can be hard to tell.
Funny about the pact you made to quit smoking.
go him for quitting. I smoke a pack a day myself.
Like rontuaru said, don;t check on him constantly. And beware the grumps. When I stop for a while I have to control the cravings and the overwhelming urge to snap at my girl.
Also, I found it really helpful to have easy to eat snacks (like chips) around.
7 days is the physical addiction. the routine part takes longer.
I had quit for about 3 months, but every time I got in the car my hand would wander around looking for a pack of cigarettes that wasn’t there…
Wow, we’re halfway through the physical addiction then. No deaths to report at this point. Although he did just go to town… hm, might have to be on the lookout for shallow graves by the road.
I have absolutely no idea how he’s going to handle the routine/habit part of it. I guess he needs to make up new ones?
yeah, or just plow through the old ones…
And if he’s actually taking the time to actually look for grave space, he’s already farther along then I made it.
Did he go cold turkey or is he getting nicotine some other way? My inlaws quit and chewed the gum for years before they finally weaned themselves off of that. Hunny’s doing the patch right now.
They are going to have good days and bad days, honestly. The key is just to keep trying. Yes, quitting can make a person moody, but that’s a matter of withdrawal most likely, and a person can feel antsy- what to do with your hands?
Change it up- don’t be in the same places where the smoking was- instead of the garage, we watch tv in the morning with our coffee. Try substituting celery sticks for smoke breaks. Change out beverages that have an association with smoking.
Sensory memory is some tough stuff to re-pattern.
I sort of agree with the not rewarding in the sense that he has to want it for himself. That being said, there are those that really don’t ever want to quit (hubby and his mother) and they won’t because they get too much enjoyment out of it.
She quit because fil has COPD (and actually, she does too) and even the remnants on her clothes caused him issues. If it was up to her, she’d still be smoking, consequences be damned.
Hunny can’t argue with my thinking of why plan for retirement if you are not going to do anything to contribute to making it that far? Why plan for something when you know health issues will get in the way? (like, my inlaws can’t go anywhere that has elevation, for example, and I’d live in the mountains if I could).
I think any reason that gets a person to quit is a good one. Ultimately, though, the pros are going to have to outweigh the cons for it to stick, so if that means rewards, fine.
Be sure, though, that you wait at least a year after he really HAS been quit, because relapse is hugely possible. Some insurance companies won’t let a person sign up as a non-smoker unless it’s been a year off of tobacco…….
Be patient with him. You know how he does best with support- some might feel they are being nagged if you say something every day; some will use that as an excuse of being reminded that then they slip.
The point is to just not give up. Nicotine substitutes can really help, so long as there is a plan for weaning off of those, too. But most of it is habit modification.
And if he has allergies, be prepared for a flare in those- when you’ve been smoking for a long time, everything stays inflamed so allergies aren’t actually as bad until the person quits- then there is often a spike until the respiratory system starts to heal……
Good luck!
Interesting about the allergies. Makes absolute sense, just not anything I had given much thought to.
Essentially, he was trying to go cold turkey. Key-word was. He has now relapsed. Although, I don’t think he’s back up to a pack a day. The re-patterning was a big part of why that happened.
I whined when he went back to it. Really, not trying to guilt trip him, but I was enjoying the smoke free-ness of the house.
We’ll see if he wants to give it another shot.
Will try to add to this later, but absolutely NO smoking in the house, even if he has been. It’s not good for you; studies show second hand smoke causes huge amounts of damage and is lethal. He needs to be respectful of your health, even if he isn’t of his.
Going cold turkey rarely works. I’d suggest trying the patch or the gum, but he needs to do it along with habit modification, in which case, going outside to smoke *every time* can really be helpful with that…..
My father quit smoking cold turkey after more years than he would tell us. He ate everything in the house and was cranking but he had made up his mind. What helped him was to always have something in his hands. Chemically the nicotine is out of your system in 48 hours and it isn’t the nicotine your craving. It is the physiological behavior that has become a habit. You need to replace that habit with a good habit such as a hobby. MY father took up painting and had a paint brush in his hand went to classes. What is the interest of the person you are trying to help? Do things together. Best of luck to you it is a journey but don’t give up.
That would probably all help a lot. It seems to me it hinges on the level of commitment to stopping the habit. The guy seems to lack the commitment.
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